PHOTO: Alyssa Monks
Last Thursday a not entirely unexpected nor unwelcome event occurred. I was let go from my day job.
This isn’t about the details, more about the reality of the situation. Because after the immediate shock subsided, what followed wasn’t regret but relief. I’d been unhappy and wanting to leave on my own for so long, months now, that it actually feels as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There’s also a part of me that’s freaking out about money, naturally. And obsessing over what’s to come next, what the next chapter should be. Do I make the blog my full time job? Become a freelance designer? Or go in the direction I’ve been pulled towards over the past few years – social media for a company I really believe in. They say that you should be paid to be spending your time on what you would be doing regardless, and for me that’s interacting with the wild wonderful internet. So it would seem as though the decision isn’t really a decision at all.
On the heels of that there’s the thought that my next job most likely won’t be here in Oklahoma. I’ve been wanting to head back east towards my family (with the exception of my mom and stepdad, they’re all in Pittsburgh) for some time now. The vast majority of my contacts are in New York and I’ve felt the pull for months to move back. But I own a home, a car, a dog. How are all of these things going to be effected? I’ve already started making mental lists of what I’ll need to get rid of in order to downsize once again. A part of my life I honestly thought was over and done with is suddenly staring me in the face. There’s also the idea that timing is everything, I may end up with a rent and mortgage for a few months and that won’t be any fun.
But even after all of the possibilities, lists, and what-ifs are said and done I’m left with an overwhelming sense of optimism. This is going to be good. It’s going to be just the kick in the ass that the doctor ordered that pushes me towards my dreams. And I know the road isn’t going to be easy, that would be silly. But I also know that if I take it step-by-step it’s going to be entirely worth it. So bright and early tomorrow morning the search commences, contacts and leads will be followed up with and on, and my resume will be updated. Onward and upward and all that jazz.
PS: Thanks to everyone who’s emailed and tweeted their concerns and incredibly uplifting thoughts, your words are more appreciated than you’ll ever know.