I came across this in the Design Annual 46 from Communication Arts magazine. Working in the business some points I wholeheartedly agree with, while others are a little much. Let me know what you think.
1. No headline will begin with “Something is wrong when…”, “Exactly at what point does…” or “Has it ever occurred to you that…”
2. Access to all awards show books shall be limited to one hour per month. Maybe
3. No commercial or Internet film will be shot in winter. In Jamaica. On a beach. WIth a little bar with a grass roof. Where they serve those blue drinks with mango slices.
4. No celebrity voiceovers shall be permitted unless at least three people in the country actually recognize who the hell it is.
5. No further use of chimpanzees on the Superbowl shall be allowed.
6. The same goes for chickens.
7. And gratuitous beasts.
8. Art directors will not be permitted to use Photoshop until an actual concept has been determined.
9. All creatives who get off on debasing, senseless or sexis humor and feel compelling to impose it on civilized society shall have all previous memories of Saturday night frat house binges erased from their memory banks.
10. No shots of mothers holding babies.
11. No meaningless taglines that don’t add a damn thing to the campaign other than give the client something to put on coffee mugs and t-shirts at the annual sales meeting.
12. Anyont caught sleazing a slash on an awards show entry form because, after all, “If I hadn’t suggested switching paragraph 4 with paragraph 2, this would have sucked,” will be dropped down the elevator shaft. Naked.
13. Creatives shall be barred from imposing the same idea that won them the Palm d’Or, gold One Show pencil and D&AD Best In Show on every project they come in contact with until the end of eternity.
14. Whining will not be permitted under any circumstances. This includes budget whining. Account executive whining. Client whining. Client’s wife whining. Lack of creative freedom whining. What-do-you-mean-I-can’t-use-Nadav-Kander whining.
15. No goatees.
16. Audible groans when being asked to do radio is off limits. Radio only sucks because you’ve made yourself believe it does.
17. When presenting, no words over three syllables shall be used thus allowing the actual work to prove how smart you are.
18. No vacation plans shall be changed at the 11th hour, thereby causing your spouse to question your life priorities in the name of taking one for the team, assuming the team has never taken one for you.
19. Except in dire emergencies which does not include “The client is going on vacation,” “I’m sorry I sat on the brief so long” and “I need to meet my roommate at the airport,” creatives shall keep the concept of the All Nighter a fond, but distant memory of college days, understanding that there comes a point when editing a brand video at two in the morning begins to feel a lot like walking out a 39th floor window on LSD.
20. During office hours, no billiards, dart games, Nerf basketball or other distractions masquerading as creative stimulators will be permitted. If you want stimulation, get on a plane for Amsterdam.
21. Every creative will be required to go through an entire day once a week without saying the word “viral,” unless you’ve recently been on a float trip down Ebola River.
22. The term “mockumentary” shall be banned at all times.
23. No account executive shall be permitted to actually suggest in client meetings that “we might want to think about street art.”
24. No further reference to hijacking shall be allowed unless you’re comfortable with the idea of several large gentlemen with wool suits, earpieces and Ray Ban sunglasses removing you from your cubicle while you’re playing Texas Hold ‘em online.
25. Copywriters shall glue their laptops shut for a period of a month during which they will reaquaint themselves with a pad of paer and a No. 2 pencil. No, not a pen. Not a Pentel. A pencil.
26. All creative department wastebaskets shall be replaced with much bigger ones.
27. No copywriter shall own a thesaurus. There is no fancy word in a thesaurus that is better than the simple one that just pops naturally into your head.
28. Creative teams shall produce on campaign per year for a nonprofit organization of their choice with no interntion of entering said campaign into any awards show anywhere on this or any other planet.
29. The use of music shall be prohibited from all emotional TV spots until such time as the spot itself, sans music, is capable of making at least twelve people cry like a river.
30. For a period of one week, no creative shall use humor in a radio spot.
31. Especially a beer spot.
Shanked from Ernie Shenck’s article in the November 2005 Communcation Arts.